


Chin Up, Derek

by SaphiraTARDIS11



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue Eyes, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Mentioned Kate Argent, Mercy Killing, POV Derek, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 21:38:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10671285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaphiraTARDIS11/pseuds/SaphiraTARDIS11
Summary: Derek could feel the rage and fury coming from his new beta, and he was completely baffled as to what part of what he said had triggered such a reaction.





	Chin Up, Derek

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is... it's many things and 'good' and 'nice' aren't some of them. I write some dark stuff, and Stiles with blue eyes is one of those things. This isn't my worst fic, but it is a pretty emotional one, at least to me. I'm currently about half way through with the second part, and overall the entire fic is only going to be 1,000-2,000 words. 
> 
> This takes place sometime after season 3.
> 
> Warnings are in end notes.  
> Look, this isn't the type of fic you want to read if you don't want the bad kind of feels, at least until I get the second chapter out. You have been warned.

**_This won't make much sense if you don't read the notes at the beginning and end of the fic_**.

 

 

Derek could feel the rage and fury coming from his new beta, and he was completely baffled as to what part of what he said had triggered such a reaction.   

“Disgusted? Disgusted?! I am disgusted by a lot of things Derek, but I have never ONCE been disgusted by you!” He was yelling, incredulous, and Derek had never seen Stiles like this. His anger was more ‘I'm going to get you when you least suspect it and make your life a living hell’, not ‘I'm going to scream at you and hurt you until you fucking get it’.    

Stiles puts his hand up, human nails even in his anger, and counts. “I'm disgusted by my best friend betraying you, and me, by the way, because, guess what?! He didn't TELL ME EITHER! I'm disgusted by Gerard and how he manipulated his daughter and granddaughter. I'm disgusted by Peter, for SO many reasons I won't even GO THERE. I'm disgusted by Matt, by Jackson. I'm am SO disgusted by Isaacs dad that I had actually contemplated murdering him!! I'm so HORRIBLY disgusted by Kate and how she used you, played you. But guess what Derek?! GUESS WHO DISGUSTS ME THE MOST!?!” Stiles had been controlling the shift perfectly until now. Now his eyes burned an bright, piercing blue. The shock made Derek take a couple steps back, back hitting the wall. “ME!! I DISGUST myself!! I fucking know about why your eyes are blue Derek! I know how your uncle convinced you to get an alpha to bite Paige as a power play!! I know that it didn't take, that you killed her so she wouldn't suffer!! She asked you to!” Derek didn't even try to hide his shocked, heartbroken, and slightly terrified expression. “But guess what Derek!? MY MOTHER NEVER ASKED ME TO KILL HER!! SHE WASN’T ON THE BRINK OF DEATH, I WASN’T TRYING TO END HER SUFFERING!! SHE HAD ANOTHER YEAR MINIMUM TO LIVE, YET I KILLED HER BECAUSE I COULDN’T FUCKING TAKE IT!!” Derek's shaking his head, trying to stop hearing the words because it's breaking him, making him feel horrible. And that's what Stiles is trying to do. Which makes it hurt so much worse. “I TOOK MY MOTHER AWAY FROM MY DAD A YEAR EARLY BECAUSE I COULDN’T TAKE HER LOOKING AT ME AND NOT RECOGNIZING ME! I COULDN’T WATCH HER LOOSE HER GODDAMN MIND!! THERE WAS NOBODY MANIPULATING ME, NO ONE ASKING ME, NO ONE CONVINCING ME THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS RIGHT!!” Tears started to fall from Derek's eyes, and he couldn't hide the fact that this was hurting him. “THERE WASN’T EVEN A MORPHINE DRIP FOR ME TO INCREASE. I SMOTHERED HER!! I TOOK HER PILLOW WHEN SHE WAS ASLEEP, I GOT UP ON HER BED, AND I PRESSED THE PILLOW TO HER FACE!! SHE TRIED TO FIGHT ME, BUT SHE WAS TOO WEAK!! I DIDN’T EVEN THINK TO STOP, I JUST HELD THE PILLOW AND KILLED HER!” Derek was shaking his head, tears streaming and breaths coming in gasps. “I EVEN PLAYED THE PART OF THE FRANTIC SON, TRYING TO GET HIS MOTHER WAKE UP!! AND I DIDN’T MEAN A SINGLE WORD!” Stiles had moved in close, Derek cowering away. Derek slid down the wall slightly, allowing Stiles tower over him, look down on him. The new betas next words were hissed snarls, normal volume but no less venomous for it. “I was eight years old Derek. Eight years old to your fifteen and sixteen, and I would do it again today. And yet, despite the fact I would do the same again, I have spent the last nine years doing everything I can to make up for it even though I know I never can. Taking care of my father, sticking by Scott, saving your life even though you have NEVER appreciated it. I joke, and I laugh, and I do my best to be happy because my mother would be ashamed of me if I didn't. What have you spent the last seven years doing Derek? How ashamed and angry would your family be to see you wasting your life like this? What would Paige think of you using her death as an excuse for your own cowardice?” Derek hadn't felt so broken, so vulnerable, since the fire. Stiles was right, he was so right. “I knew your mother. She babysat me the first time my mom went to the hospital, and she babysat me every time since. Even after my mom died, she stayed with me when my dad was at work. She was beautiful and kind and so full of life. Talia was the only thing that kept me sane. She told me ‘chin up, Genim, because life's not done with you yet. You have happiness to find, a person to love, and a life to live yet. Drowning yourself in guilt and sorrow will get you none of those and will only end in you wasting the life your mother gave you.’ And I would bet my fathers life that she would tell you the same.” Stiles voice had gone softer, more meaningful and less angry. The anger was still there, Derek could smell it, but it wasn't as suffocating. “So chin up, Derek, because life's not done with you yet. You have happiness to find, a person to love, and a life to live yet. Drowning yourself in guilt and sorrow will get you none of those and will only end in you wasting the life your mother gave you.” Stiles voice was soft yet firm, so much like Talia’s. Derek slid down the wall, head in his hands, tears still running silently. He listened as Stiles took a breath and walked away.   

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: STILES TALKS ABOUT HIS MOTHERS DEATH AND HIS PART IN IT. IF MERCY KILLING BOTHERS YOU, DO NOT READ. THIS FIC FEATURES IT HEAVILY.
> 
> Derek says something about how he would understand if Stiles felt disgusted with him for turning him (to save his life), and it sets Stiles off. Stiles has issues with Derek for using the deaths of his family and the death of the girl he had loved as an excuse not to live. For Derek, living his harder than going through his life just surviving, and he uses Paige (and his family) and the guilt he feels for that as excuse not to. Basically Derek is scared. Living means being vulnerable, which means being able to be hurt horribly, like with Paige and his family.
> 
> Stiles starts off on Derek because Derek has been actively trying to push him away. Stiles cares about Derek and Derek cares about Stiles, but having Stiles means living and making himself vulnerable again (btw this assumes that Jennifer used magic to seduce {both his heart and body} Derek) and living.


End file.
